I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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