I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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