look no pants
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
So vagazzling was a success
Dicks are not precious.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
