Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
