there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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