she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
