I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
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