just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
