I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
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These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
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OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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