omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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