Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
