Welp...herpes.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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