i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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