I need help removing her.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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