who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize