If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
