As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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