I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
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I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
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I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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