I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
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