the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
