I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
