Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
The power of my boobs compel you
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
