my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
where does the pee come out of this thing
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I love having hate sex.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
