I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
