Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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