i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
