party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
