Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
