You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
