dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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