Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
