Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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