What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
