Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
