im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
