Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
