You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
