Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
