last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
