i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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