john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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