I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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