Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Small penises have feelings too.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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