I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize