it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
