you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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