A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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