Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
