If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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