Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
NoShamevember. You game?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
