already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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