So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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