she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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