I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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