After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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