The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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