some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
