I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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