we're chasing vodka with high fives
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
