Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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