Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
