i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
