I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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